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Thursday, January 20, 2005

SCIENCE:
Mars Rover Discovery Suggests Possibility of Rocks On Mars

by Solomon Wall, staff-writer for the Wall Talker

LOS ANGELES-- NASA's Mars Exploration Rover Opportunity has recently discovered what scientists are excitedly calling "further strong evidence for the existence of rocks on Mars." Images transmitted back to earth today reveal an object with key rock-like features that NASA scientists claim to be indicative of a genuine rock, although final analysis is still forthcoming.

Up until this point, exploration has led to findings that confirm at least a certain kind of rock is already known to exist on Mars. With Opportunity's latest discovery, it may soon be concluded that a certain other kind of rock exists there as well. Should exploration continue to yield further rock findings, scientists claim they'll soon be able to confirm the existence of rocks in general on the Red Planet.

"And if this turns out to be the case, it will leave the door wide open for the possibility of many sizes of rocks, including rocks so small they may even be considered sand, which as we all know is a necessary component of beaches," postulated Steve Squyres, chief scientist for the NASA mission. "This, in turn, would mean that it's not inconceivable for beaches to have once existed on Mars, thereby requiring shorelines, and thus making oceans an almost foregone conclusion, which, if anything like the ones on Earth, might indicate a possible environment serving as an ideal hotbed of activity for life itself! Perhaps! We've never been closer to unlocking the secrets of this world."

With approximately one year of operation behind them, rovers Opportunity and Spirit have literally travelled well beyond all of NASA's initial expectations. They were expected to crash. This latest data follows a stream of significant findings which have, as NASA officials posit, been earning well beyond the mission's nearly $1 billion pricetag. Since landing, 62,000 images along with other data have been transmitted back to Earth, helping to verify the likely Martian existence of what amounts to five drops of water, a wellspring of dust, some gravity, the ground, and an occasional light breeze. These findings come on the heels of European probe, Huygens' momentous discovery of dampness on Saturn's moon, Titan.

Added Squyres, "This is when science gets really exciting."


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Another Light Blog Entry Made In The Futile Attempt To Divert Myself From The Upcoming Inauguration

What inauguration?
I know not of what you speak.
Now, as we thrust our heads in sand,
mind not to crack our beak.

Okay, let's avoid living a life of lies here primarily by admitting that the previous paragraph/stanza kinda sucked. No, not its meaning. Indeed, let us do all pretend that the inauguration to occur almost exactly one day to the minute from now is just a horrifying scene in a sweat-inducing eight year nightmare that none of us is due to awaken from for another four years. Ahhh... now, that's better... just an eight year sweat-inducing nightmare, yesss.

Highlights from Kevin Anderson's article in the BBC News:
"With an estimated price tag of $40m, the three-day celebration that is President Bush's second inauguration will be the most expensive ever."
"Some have criticised the expense, questioning the propriety of a flashy celebration as US troops are dying in Iraq and South Asia still recovers from last month's deadly tsunami."
"[With] the recent tsunami in the Indian Ocean and the ongoing war in Iraq, some think the expensive inaugural is an inappropriate, ostentatious display."
"[A] Washington Post-ABC News poll found that two-thirds of Americans think inaugural festivities should be scaled back, and that includes half of those who voted for President Bush and 80% of John Kerry's supporters.
President Bush defended the pomp and parties, saying in an interview with US network CBS: 'You can be equally concerned about our troops in Iraq and those who suffered in the tsunami while celebrating democracy.'"
Which leads me to inquire, will absolutely no political advisor to the President, for the good of all, smack this man in public?

So, I stand firm in my ostrich position portrayed in the opening four lines. Each line representing a year of administrative absurdity to come. Each line representing a year of naked-emperor political head-burying. And a line representing each of the coming years in which I will no doubt be tempted to bury my own head in response, though I know I must resist. At least until Momma wakes me from the nightmare.

But as for the above written stanza itself? Clearly, I'm no Dr. Suess. Although, you know who is? I'll tell you who. Dr. Suess is, that's who. And as I fluidly segue into the main thrust of today's diversionary post, I say unto you: If you read no other work of Dr. Suess to your children now, in the future, or in the past (for those with time machines)... (and children) read them this one. For, in this book's featured story lies a commentary on society as timeless as the machine apparently owned by some of you. The Sneetches. Avatars of many a generation. Their story is one that regularly leaves me before modern culture shouting, "Did none of you even read about Dr. Suess' Sneetches?!... No, not "Green Eggs & Ham," Sneetches, Sneetches!... Well, then did you get it?! I mean, look at you! Who is your Sylvester McMonkey McBean, I ask you?!" But modern culture just blankly stares me back in the face, claiming "Green Eggs & Ham" is catchier. [sigh] Excuse me while I affix my beak-shield.

And So Begins Today's Blissfull Diversion:
In Bizarro World exists a really jacked-up version of Superman. Unbeknownst to many, a version of Dr. Suess also exists there. In this alternative realm he is known as Det. Suess. Yes, not as adept as his counterpart, he flunked out of Rhyming Medical School and found himself, years later becoming a jaded and cynical detective on the rhyming police force. And how do I know all of this? With great expertise, I assure you. For I am he. You have already experienced one of my distinctive works above.
So now, without further ado, or a shread of relevance to anything else written in today's post,
I, Det. Suess, present a little cynical tale from my forthcoming book "Salmonella And Trichinosis".

The Fly In The Tree
by Det. Suess, a.k.a. Solomon Wall, a.k.a. I'm not telling you.

What is the flea
to the fly in the tree
who looks for a mate of his own?

For compared to the flea
the a-nato-my
of the fly is much overgrown.

So, if it should see
the fly in the tree
and happen to plea for a date,

the fly would say, "Gee,
you're not my cup of tea."
'Cause much bigger would he need a mate.

But then should a bee
visit this tree
and then want to be with this fly,

the fly would soon see
what's in back of this bee
and reluctantly
he would comply.

And then, should you see
the bee in this tree
saying that she needs a ring,

believe you me,
the fly will agree
for a bee has a powerful sting.

And there be, would he
this fly in the tree
with the bee for the rest of his life.

Poor fly in the tree.
I'm just glad it's not me
with an unwanted bee for a wife.

Now, I think you can see
through this bee
and this flea
and this fly-in-the-tree masquerade.

So, flies
heed me
for I give you this key
that you never should be
without Raid®.

For the next four years, I may be found in my padded cell gently rocking back and forth reciting this poem incessantly . Unless, one of you would be so kind as to lend me that time machine.