When I don't feel like blogging that's when the darkness comes.
"The emptiness just sits there, waiting for nothing, hoping for less. But just out of curiosity, what's for dinner?"
Does anyone know how to get into writing for greeting cards? I think the previous would be a great message inside one for Anti-Valentine's Day. Here are a few more inspired ideas I have:
"Your mistress called. She said she's leaving you for another husband. Happy Anniversary."
"I have the worst headache right now, feels like a damn tumor! By the way, how's the cancer treating you? Get Well."
"As I lay on the front porch, shirtless, shivering, and shit-faced, I am reminded of the day this all began. Happy Birthday, Son."
"Merry Kiss-my-ass."
Okay, now it's time to get in a better space. Click here.
posted by Solomon Wall @ 5:27 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Solomon, I'm back again.....You might be wondering why I am away, well all I can say with out further allegations, when you wake up in a small chinese village after a family dinner in Denmark, odds are the natives don't speak english.........
I think that is a tremendous idea, with those Hallmark-from-Hell greeting cards. Tell me where I can support them financially.
I could be a great line of products. From the simple "you suck and I hope that burning sensation lasts"-birthday cards to the more elegant anniversary cards. It could be something like wedding-anniversaries; "You're impotent but rich, I hope you die soon, so I can inherit and get a young lover".
What do you think? - you're the editor.
Other ideas that spring to my mind:
Birthday cards:
"Sweet 16 - now is a good time to come out of the closet and admid you're gay (we all know)"
"You needy little bitch, you're not getting half, not even the fisher price baking oven, happy birthday with the ten years - from Dad"
- now if that is a little ruff, lose the last half and you have a delightful divorce-greeting card.
Valentin's cards:
"Be happy with what you have, you're ugly and I'm the only one who can stand you".........I was wondering if you could attach it to a gift-basket with day old half-eaten chocolate and out-of-date flower seeds
I don't know, maybe there could be like different degrees. You could handle the mere disgruntled and/or thoughtless people and I could handle the sheer hateful.
So Solomon, is there hope for me in the entertainment business (as I know greeting-card firms like to adress themselves)
/Mathias
Glad you made it back, presumably with all organs intact? Love your card ideas. My favorite: "Be happy with what you have, you're ugly and I'm the only one who can stand you". I even looked into whether or not someone else had already taken "Hellmark" as a satiricle label. They have. Crap. So then I thought they could be call "Foulmark Cards". That one's free. Now the fantasy business venture can continue in my mind without fantasy litigation. In other news, still haven't made another blog entry as you can see. Man, I don't know how these people just crank'em out everyday. Sometimes I just got nothing to say. Like I just need to meditate for awhile before the commentary strikes me. I know, I'm gonna post my meditation somehow. Yeah, good enough. Here I go.
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