the wall talker

HOLLYWOOD-- In a brief statement released Saturday by publicist, Tracy Shaffer, Hollywood socialite and heiress, Paris Hilton has "expressed shock and dismay regarding the sudden and overwhelming loss of her life's media coverage" which reportedly vanished nearly one week ago with little to no warning. "Ms. Hilton wishes to express her apologies to those accustomed to monitoring the minutiae of her daily existence without interruption," explained Shaffer. "Unfortunately, she cannot express these apologies at this time as she is currently struggling to determine whether or not she still exists."

Although reports are still coming in from Tinseltown, the unexpectedly vast disappearance of updates on Hilton's day to day triflings have gone virtually unnoticed by the entertainment community as well as the public in general, excluding one very distraught Nicole Richie. "I keep changing the channel, but it's like the only info I can find these days are these Chinese weather reports!" Richie lamented. "Does this mean I don't exist, too?" Preliminary analysis by celebrity experts are inconclusive as to the exact cause of the disappearance but theorize that "it may have something to do with ... Who are we talking about again?"

Until the full extent of her existence or lack thereof is determined, Hilton's publicist stated that her teacup chihauhau, Tinkerbell would be cared for by sister and fellow heiress, Nicky Hilton. When when reached for comment on foster caring for the small dog due to her sister's current existential crisis, Nicky Hilton responded, "So, now... you say I have a sister?"

Rivaling the mystery of its apparent evaporation, Hilton's rise to notoriety started in 2002 with a force that has yet to be ascertained by modern anthropologists. It was further bolstered by verifiably having sex, some TV show, and an uncanny ability for considering various phenomena to be "hot".

Paris Hilton's ensemble was not yet determined at the time of press.