Today's Meditation, or "I Got Bupkis, People"
For those, who read my recent commentary response to MRK, you already know that I've been blog-dry lately. I recently read a breakdown of blog do's and don'ts, one of which was "do publish entries often" and they were talking like several times a week. Well, dammit! I don't have that much going on up in my head, folks. Well, maybe that's not entirely accurate. But I certainly don't have that much publishable stuff going on in my head. I think I blog to get out the thoughts in my head that won't shut-up and are starting to annoy all the other thoughts. In fact, I think it's these other thoughts, the ones you're not reading about, that are dictating what you do read about. Or can read about. I mean, obviously my thoughts don't actually make you do anything because, strictly speaking, I'm not a space alien. If I were, I'd probably have more to say.
Blog entry if I were a space alien:
Saturday, February 5, 2005
¤öø?þð. Þ¤¥¿Ð× ‡????»?Þ my language translator so you can actually read what I'm writing. Ah, that's better. Okay, so now, let me just get this straight, earthlings: You actually spent all that dough going to the moon just so you could basically win some race?! What the Flurgon are you guys doing down there? I mean the moon, earthlings! In the palm of your primitively space-traveled hand, and now it's just sittin' there gathering it's own moon dust! Well, look, if that orbital seat's not taken then our lifeforms would be more than happy to grab it for you. It'd make a great banquet hall planet for us. And what's all this crap about one day terraforming Mars if your planet becomes uninhabitable? I mean if y'all actually even figure out how to do it then why the Flurgon wouldn't y'all just terraform your own damn planet back to normal?! Hello, earthlings?! Nobody constructs a new house because the old one is dirty! Crap on a stick, what's the matter with you carbon-sacks?! And just so I'm clear, you folks are all worried about destroying the planet with your own pollution, although you basically understand the technology to prevent it's destruction and just aren't sure it's worth preventing because it might... COST TOO MUCH?!! I'm just about ready to wash my antennae of you creatures. And another thing, will somebody please tell that Larry Miller guy from "Sit 'n Sleep" that his mattress guarantee makes NO SENSE! You'll beat anyone's price or my mattress is free? As in, "I'm sorry, but in this case, we just can't afford to beat this price, so we'll have to charge you nothing instead"?!! It's like promising that if you can't afford to give someone a hundred dollars then you'll give'em a million as a consolation. WHAT THE FLURGON?!! Okay, I'm just getting a space-headache, now. Like I'm trying to explain glass-blowing to a grizzly bear, here. An Earth-grizzly bear, that is, as the grizzly bears on our planet actually do have a rough proficiency in the art of glass-blowing. But I digress. And I might as well since I can no longer think of what to write to you earthlings. Guess I'm just blog-dry.
posted by Solomon Wall @ 10:53 AM
6 Comments:
First of all, I think it's cool that the third letter used in your first word, in your alien-language, is the 27th letter in the Danish alphabet (and the second letter is a German o umlaut, which is virtually the same as a Danish ø) - It must say something about the Northern European countries we share communicative signs with the extra terrestrials.
I can understand your disliking of the human race and the way we treat our planet. But what you have to understand is that my type of earthling, named Men or Males, generally controls our planet.
See men have a certain of looking at things. We like to get new things even though the old one are perfectly good. To support our nature, we usually come up with problems with our things, which are somewhat imaginary.
If a human man has a computer or car, and sees a newer model with only a slight advantage over the old, the old becomes useless for the man, and he must own the new model to be satisfied. This is why earthlings want to have Mars. It isn't the case that we can't fix the old Tellus' planet, but it is simply because we just want the new planet. To make this justified, we simply say there is nothing to do with the earth and all of its pollution, and so it seems justified to travel to a new planet.
The other parts of our race, called the women, go along with this idea, because they see the new planet as an entirely un-decorated place. Women believe this new planet to be a rough place yet unfamiliar with designer throw rugs and pastel-colours.
You mentioned the moon, I am sorry to say that I don't think you can have that. Let alone has a mighty man, named Mick Jagger, and other poweful earthlings bought land on the moon, from a company who must surely own it. But to tell you in another way, the earth represents the desk-computer, Mars the lap-top and the moon is a PDA. See for a man can be complete and show his valour, he must own all three computing devices. The same way, earthlings will not feel complete as a race without the Moon and Mars.
But don’t worry; we have a word called retro. After some odd years, we will deem the earth “retro”, and go back and clean it up, for then we see a new quality in the earth, and yet again must use it.
I hope you understand the human race better now. I'm sure your race may have it's own flaws (let alone do you believe that the moon can be a party-place, when we have documented facts that it works best as a golf-course. For proof of this please write to NASA, Att. Alan Shepard, Subject: Man playing golf on the moon )
Well, Flurgon! I guess I levitate corrected. Perhaps, I'll do some recalculating on the seemingly perplexing nature of your species.
Okay, done recalculating. I, on the behalf of my species, call dibs on Mars. Ha ha! Beat you to it, earthlings!
I'm a little offended by your gratuitous use of the word, "Flurgon." On my planet, ZIPKOZEEBUK, it means something unspeakable. Those things which we should not speak of. The "speaknotofthis" type of word.
Harumphf!
No, crivat?! So, what's a ZIPKOZEEBUKIAN even doing in this quadrant of the galaxy? Last I heard, you guys wouldn't travel past the Torvad sector to drex the snugar off a ladum's clorperdong, even if it were in the final phase of gestation! Listen up, ZIPKO, your playing with the big boys now, so if you can't handle the tone well then bleebarb you AND vabarax you beamed in on! Now go on, beam home to Mama!
I would be careful about verbeeking the flurgons, They have a stealthray you would never see or detect. They are very discreet about everything, so you may never notice anything amiss until a moment of anticipation on a Friday night when the masterbadong stubbornly remains flacid and no amount of viagra makes any difference. They have my respect.
If only, Tony, my timeflux drive's parameters extended beyond the 2 earth-week range I could go back and properly heed your warning. Alas, I have just arisen from from a 15-day Zathean Thurno Coma as a result of said stealthray. The flacidity still lingers. If not my respect, they at least have my submission. That is, for now.
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